every girl is a closet masochist

oh shut it, you /know/ it's true.

cuz' no matter how much we moans on our life's dramas, deep in our heart we just knew how much we lived every moment of it.

i mean come on, we are girls. we have this little thing called /intuition where we have this shady inkling on just how deep of a shit we're getting into.
getting into an unstoppable trainwreck, not for the promise of heaven beyond but for the sake of that special someone who asked you to hold their hand for the journey.

and you /know/ you'll get on board.

you would.

we all would.

but hopefully, you would found someone to nurse your wound at the end of the day. someone that would hold you to stop and see rather than rush and crash.

but where's the fun in that, right? we would just keep crashing and reviving ourselves and commence the violent cycle a repeat, over and over again.

but bear in mind, for each time we crashed, someone else died.

still a quiet, reserved girl who drapes on sarcasm to make for an excellent defensive coating.

hola minions o/

yeah. keeping true to my failure to keep with commitment, i have been postponing my blog updates till' now lol. but thank you anyway to those who are willing to dedicate their most precious 5 seconds of their life to read this. but be careful, long read is long.

"oh hello heartbreak, how much did u bleed this time?"

i'm tired.

i'm hurt.

i'm ashamed.

i don't know why my heart are so prone to heartbreak and rejection. o fate, i might be able to laugh it off the first few times, but this time i'm not sure it's funny anymore. is it just me or the pain magnifies a hundred times more when you're an adult?

i wish i were still a child. i was so strong back then, so furious against the surroundings. dragging the whole childhood burden of prejudices under my little girl's feet.
now i don't know where's that little girl are. maturity might've consumed too much of her energy that it left her adult self nothing to cope on.

the pain is still the same, only the difference now is that it is much more greater than i can handle. with no sort of shield my child self used to have, it's me against the world now. instead of getting stronger, i feel like i'm getting restless.

i'm tired of fighting, and i'm tired of waiting too.

this be my last try of getting what i want. god forbid my heart will be half dead even if i moved on.

until then, peace be to any soul that's willing to breathe my heart back into life.

.