"oh hello heartbreak, how much did u bleed this time?"

i'm tired.

i'm hurt.

i'm ashamed.

i don't know why my heart are so prone to heartbreak and rejection. o fate, i might be able to laugh it off the first few times, but this time i'm not sure it's funny anymore. is it just me or the pain magnifies a hundred times more when you're an adult?

i wish i were still a child. i was so strong back then, so furious against the surroundings. dragging the whole childhood burden of prejudices under my little girl's feet.
now i don't know where's that little girl are. maturity might've consumed too much of her energy that it left her adult self nothing to cope on.

the pain is still the same, only the difference now is that it is much more greater than i can handle. with no sort of shield my child self used to have, it's me against the world now. instead of getting stronger, i feel like i'm getting restless.

i'm tired of fighting, and i'm tired of waiting too.

this be my last try of getting what i want. god forbid my heart will be half dead even if i moved on.

until then, peace be to any soul that's willing to breathe my heart back into life.

.